You Don't Own Me

Lately I've been feeling like I don't have control over my life and it's really stressing me out.  My company decided to reorganize and we all know what that means.  Major change.  Once I found out that I definitely still had a job, I was very relieved and it took away a lot of the stress, but things are still very much up in the air.  I will definitely have to travel more and with Hubby gone at the hospital so much, often overnight, going out of town takes a ton of organization between my Mom, my babysitter, and Hubby's Mom. 

I don't normally feel this kind of stress.  I have come to terms with the fact that I do have to work because right now Hubby doesn't make nearly enough as a resident for us to cover all of our bills.  It doesn't bother me at all that I have to work because I do actually like working and I enjoy never having to fight about money.  Mostly, I enjoy it because I had everything worked out and it was going well.  The nanny was happy with her schedule, the kids were in a routine, and I was making everything work.  Now I'm going to have a new boss, I'm going to be gone more, and I'll probably make less money.  How is it that I can be working hard, selling plenty of equipment, and suddenly BAM!!  Everything has to change and I don't get a choice.

All that being said, I am currently enjoying a four day weekend from work.  We spent the morning decorating the house for Christmas and at one point during the decorating, I looked around my house.  I was suddenly filled with the feeling of pure happiness.  The house looked so warm with all the lights and stockings, the kids were dancing to Christmas Carols, and I suddenly thought, "You don't own me!  You don't control my happiness!!  I control my happiness!"

I admit this probably sounds a tad melodramatic, but once that hit me, I felt free.  Now the kids are napping and I'm enjoying the quiet house while I drink some hot tea.  I know I'll be able to get through whatever comes because I do have choices in life and I choose to be happy with what I have.  See?  How could this NOT make me happy??


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