Should We Just Buy 2 of Everything so the Kids Don't Fight Over Toys?

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Should We Just Buy 2 of Everything so the Kids Don't Fight Over Toys?

Right before Christmas I was picking the kids up from gymnastics class and one of the Moms was telling everyone about how she had bought 2 of every gift for her kids for Christmas (her girls are 5 and 3). Her intent was to make sure that they didn't have any reason to fight over anything. She went on to explain further that she had been buying 2 of everything since before her 2nd child had even been born. She bragged, "I knew even back then that I would have no peace in my house with kids so close in age unless I had 2 of every toy. So now they have no reason to fight!"
I began to feel panicky. Was this what everyone did and I just never knew it? That thought had never occurred to me and certainly not back when I only had one child. I mentally scanned the presents I'd bought for Christmas and realized that I had bought only one of every toy. Of course, I have a boy and a girl so, in theory, this should be no problem. I bought binoculars and trucks for my boy and dolls and doll clothes for my girl.
Yet Christmas came around and sure enough, they fought over everything. My daughter was dying to play with the train and the workbench instead of with her dolls. My son didn't care what he played with as long as he had stolen it from his big sister. On December 27th I thought I was going to lose my mind. My entire day was filled with crying, pushing, protesting and the Christmas spirit was gone. What was wrong with my children? I called my Mom and I was almost in tears and explained the situation to her. She said:
"Katie, it's their job to fight over toys. It's part of growing up and it's how they learn."
I replied, "But they're driving me crazy and I can't stop yelling at them! Now on top of everything I feel super guilty for yelling at them!"
She said, "Don't worry so much. It may be their job to fight but it's your job to yell at them. Or at least teach them."
I found these words very comforting. We are all just doing our jobs. And after I looked at it that way, I calmed down and stopped yelling and started teaching them more calmly. And she was right. After a few days, the newness of all the gifts went away and things went back to normal, with them fighting only part of the day and not all day long. Grandmas are very wise.
I'd love to hear from my readers. Did you go through this fighting after Christmas too? Does anyone buy 2 gifts for everyone, just to prevent fighting?
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15 comments:

MetteJanuary 9, 2013 at 11:37 AM
I'm very shocked to anyone would buy 2 of every toy to keep the peace.... Glad to hear you found your own way:9 Fighting is what children do and the also play lovely together.... I have a boy now 5 and a girl now 7. Yes they fight and bicker but they also play for hours and hours and sit cuddled up watching a film. Also what do you teach your children if they get what they want and everything everybody els have??

http://oddparent.blogspot.dk/
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DalynJanuary 9, 2013 at 7:41 PM
My son is 4, my niece is also 4, only 7 and 1/2 months older. I am apalled that my husband's family still thinks they need to get the same presents. When they were 2, maybe, but shouldn't they learn to share or take turns some time? It would be much better if they had always had to get along, but what do I know? I'm the Mom.
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UnknownJanuary 9, 2013 at 9:11 PM
There are some toys we buy four of...but cannot buy four of everything : 0 ). Fighting is part of learning to negotiate more appropriately. It cannot be entirely avoided (nor should it). : 0 )
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pricklymomJanuary 10, 2013 at 6:09 AM
Wow, Katie, this post hits home! My boys are 5 and 3 (18 mos. apart), and as far as Christmas gifts went, 90% were the same (two bikes, two hopping balls, two light-up pillows, etc.). The thing is, there was still fighting! And as I reflect on it, I think it wasn't the right thing to do. They have different interests even at this young age, and I should be helping them explore that. Live and learn!

And your mom sounds a lot like mine. Yes, Grandmas are wise.
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UnknownJanuary 10, 2013 at 7:35 AM
To put it lightly: OH HELL NO! We either appreciated what we were given and took turns or *gasp* SHARED, or the gift was confiscated. There was ONE time that we both got the same gift (identical Ghetto blasters) and that was ok until my brother broke his and tried to secretly swap it with mine.

Plus, thinking on it, I realize that when we got different things for Christmas we, technically, got twice as many presents. If both got paints...then all we got was paints. But if I got paints and he got a game--WOOO HOOO, we could paint AND play a game! EPIPHANY! That's why my 3 nieces weren't happy when they all got the exact same thing from me for Christmas in 1993.
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Twin MumJanuary 10, 2013 at 5:20 PM
I have twin boys and I don't buy two of everything - A it would be far too expensive and B how are they ever going to learn to share if they have everything given to them. Occassionally they get two of something but only when necessary - for example they both got a bucket and spade for christmas that were the same but different colours. All the toys they get are different and yes they snatch them off each other and only want it because the other has it but thats ok.
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JanJanuary 12, 2013 at 4:39 PM
Two of everything seems pretty wasteful; and what would that teach them??? That's not how life works!
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DeniseJanuary 12, 2013 at 8:43 PM
I tried this once and bought my children two of the same book (it was for a good cause, so I figured why not?) Well, we get home and although my son has the same EXACT book, he STILL wants to hold the one that my daughter has!!! Definitely do not buy two of everything. It my case, it didn't make a difference. My youngest is still one and learning to share ... but he'll get it soon enough :-)
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OneMommyJanuary 14, 2013 at 6:17 PM
My MIL loves to tell how she bought two of everything for he boys, too. They were also 2 years apart.
I do not buy 2 of everything -- I have a daughter and son, too, and they fight also...But they need to learn to share. They need to learn to get along with others.

For the record, my husband hated always getting what his brother got for Christmas -- they were 2 different kids with different tastes...
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Wednesday, January 9, 2013